Wednesday, June 16, 2010


It is a pretty standard piece of advice given to young women, and men also to a lesser extent, that you should never feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.  And, while I think that I understand and endorse the sentiment behind this statement, I have to disagree with the actual wording of the statement.  Lots of things in life and sex have made me uncomfortable, but boy am I glad that I tried them.

My first spanking comes to mind.  I only tried it because the boyfriend asked to spank me, and I was indulging his fantasies.  I didn't think I would like it, and it made me feel like a bad feminist.  It made me quite uncomfortable really.  But, I loved him, and I trusted him. So, I went for it, and it changed my sex life forever.

The first time a man went down on me, it made me uncomfortable.  How was I supposed to know if my pussy would smell or taste "right."  Bad pussy jokes abound (and some sex toy companies apparently think they are quite funny), but without a point of comparison, how can you tell if your pussy is "good" or "bad?"

My first BDSM party made my wildly uncomfortable.  I was so nervous I would have hit the ceiling if someone had said "boo."   I enjoy these parties greatly now, but I needed the other boyfriend to talk me into going to that first one.

There are many reasons not to let someone talk you into doing something.  If you think an activity is dangerous, or it really turns you off.  If it brings up bad feelings, or it just sounds like the absolute opposite of hot to you, or maybe you just really aren't feeling it right now, then by all means don't do it and don't let anyone pressure you into doing it.  But, I, for one, endorse trying things that make you feel uncomfortable.


  1. I'd like to think I am pretty open-minded..I would at least try most things with someone I trust..I think for me the hard part is bringing up things I DO want to try but am embarrassed to ask about.

  2. I know what you mean, Jewel. I have a hard time asking to try things too. I've gotten over a lot of the feelings of awkwardness that used to keep me quiet. But, lately it's less about shyness and more about the way in which I enjoy the pretence that my partner is "making" me do things. If I tell him I want it, the jig is up.