Sunday, May 30, 2010


My boyfriend, my lover for the past six years, my partner for more than a fifth of my life, is moving in with me, permanently, in precisely two months.  To say that I was excited about this would be a wild understatement.  But, I am a little bit scared too.

For the last three years we have been dating long distance while we have both been working towards graduate degrees in different states.

And, for the last seven months I have been seeing another man.  He's been dating other women too, and for the last few months he's been seeing one girl in particular.  But, since he is the one moving three states to be with me, he is leaving that relationship behind.

He hasn't flat out said so, but I get the feeling that he would like it if I dropped the other boyfriend and declared that he was all I ever needed in life.

The thing is, I really like being with the other boyfriend.  We connect in a way that is completely different from the boyfriend and I.  And, well, the sex is hot.

I think that in the past I may have leaned too heavily on the idea that non-monogamy was a stop-gap for the the inherent lack of physical sex that comes with a long distance relationship.  The lack of physical intimacy in my life really was my justification, to myself and to him, for why I deserved more than one lover.  But, the truth is that I have always wanted this life.  I just never thought I could be brave enough and/or lucky enough to have it.

I am a little bit scared that I am about to trade in all the crazy, wonderful, kinky potential that comes with multiple partners in order to be with the man I love.  And, I do very much love the hot kinky sex my partner and I have together, but I love all of the interesting possibilities that come with an open relationship too.  I fell like I am just getting started with exploring those possibilities.

This is really the ultimate in over privileged whining, isn't it?  I have a man I love madly, and I still want more.

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